Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Remembering who you are beyond being a mom

    For the past 8+ years my role has easily been defined for me as, "Mom."  That's it there is no identity crisis when you have such a defined label.  What does this label mean?  It means putting your family first being sure they are provided for, cared for, loved, and raised to do the same for others. 
  It has been a role that I have been so blessed to embrace.  I am fortunate to be able to be the person that my children run to when they are happy, sad, scared, or unsure.    I have been blessed to have been trusted with their innocence and to mold them into good people.  Thats all I ask if nothing else I want them to just be good caring people when they grow up.
   It has also been a role that I have gladly hid behind.  There is no need for me to know who I am, to have any other passions, or goals.  No need for me to work towards anything but providing the best life for my children that I possibly can. 
    Now as my children are getting older and little by little becoming more independent from me, I have to start thinking about who I am and who do I want to be.   That is truly a scary thought.   When you graduate high school, most of us are just expected to go to college, it wasn't so much a choice as it was just following the next logical step.   You think you have your whole life planned out, but rarely does it happen that way.  College is a whole new world suddenly you realize that your goals may not be the best fit for you.    Instead of finishing college I got married became an instant step-mom and dropped out of school to be the primary caregiver to my step-sons.   It was an easy choice for me because boom, I had an identity, no more struggling with wether or not I was studying the right major or what career I wanted, I was a mom simple.  Identity crisis solved.
   For the past ten years that has suited me fine, I wouldn't change this past decade for anything.  But now as I am returning to work and spending more and more time apart from my children it is becoming necessary to seperate my mom identity from who I really am.    Yes I am the mom who can go on and on for hours about my kids and their newest "accomplishment" or "crisis" (anyone who is friends with me on Facebook is probably groaning in agreement).    Beyond that I have nothing to say.  I have returned to school, but truly have no idea of what I want to do with it.  I have no idea of where my passions lie.  How do you find your calling.  How do we become more than just a mom?   I have so many mom friends who are true professionals, living their personal dreams, doing what they love, while still being amazing moms.   I want to do that, I want to have dreams, and goals, and truly find something for myself that I can focus on.  But how do you find it?  

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